Path of Resistance

Of course we know the saying '...path of least resistance...'  and what it means. Sometimes it's ok to take a difficult path and other times its much much easier to take the path of least resistance. Sometimes the path you take is a reflection of parts of you.  How about a reflection of my parenting skills... I find myself doing this sometimes, with my children, in shopping areas. You know, when I KNOW they're going to want the candy/cookie/stuffed animal we're bound to pass  and the path of least resistance becomes some long roundabout way through the store to avoid that item. It's ridiculous. One would think I could have a little more control of the beggars. I hope it's not just happening to me.

That's how they get ya!

How am I supposed to decide what sheets of photos to keep and buy from my youngest's first school pictures ever? How could I decide to return any of them? I will, of course, because i'm cheap frugal. But clearly, this is how they GET ya, with the cuteness and sweetness and oooo a class photo. Curses!

Thankfulness

So I suck at blogging. There, I said it. I really really want to write all kinds of things. Blogs and novels and stories and diary entries, and letters to people that I love and to people that piss me off. But apparently I suck at all of those things. So... Oh, dawn... made a list of what she's thankful for, and I think maybe I should try that. An attempt to pull myself out of this weird funk I'm in.

So...things I'm currently thankful for....let's see...

1. My kids - they are really at the perfect ages. The oldest (9) is so smart and independent and fun and cautious and thoughtful and sensitive. Third grade has really helped her blossom. She's got great friends and everyone loves her, she's doing very well in school and LOVES school, which is excellent. The youngest (4) is also super smart, inquisitive, and imaginative. She loves preschool and is learning all kinds of things. She asks me questions the oldest never did, so she's giving me a clue about what a pistol she'll be in a few years. Then I guess I'll be grateful her sister is the cautious one.

2. Preschool - Thank GOD for Noah's Ark Preschool. She is learning so much, and socializing so well and it's such a nice break for me to focus on work for a couple hours. I'm really looking forward to next year when she'll be older and goes for three days a week instead of two (and in the afternoon so I don't have to rush around in the morning with two kids).

3. My Job - All jobs have drawbacks, but I love the work and I love most of the people and I'm grateful to have the flexibility to work from home and be with my children as necessary and still use my brain every day.

4. My family - Whatever our dysfunction, I love them. All of them.

5. Books - I live vicariously through books. In a related vein I'm super thankful for my Kindle and the local Library. I cannot imagine not wanting to read like I do, and I'm hopeful that my girls develop that love of reading as well. The oldest is well on her way.

6. Video Games - I love xbox live and the ability it gives me to mindlessly shoot people or things and get out some aggression without injury. Right now, Gears of War3 is my current addiction. I love it so much, it's probably unhealthy.

7. Financial planning - I'm grateful for our EdwardJones guy. For his advice and expertise in planning for retirement and helping us to grow our money to serve us best when we're ready to retire. He's also a really nice guy with kids of his own, so he's reliable and trustworthy, which is sort of hard to find right now.

8. My faith - as shaky as it is sometimes, my faith keeps me from running away screaming. I am a true believer. A Christian, follower of Christ. As much as I want to go to church, and don't, I still know He is always with me and hears me, whatever I need. And I rely on that regularly.

These are in no particular order - only in the order they occurred to me. I wouldn't want to indicate that anything was more valueable to me than my family or faith, but the order of importance changes daily.

Ok forget it.

I'm really screwing up this NaBloPoMo thing. Apparently I don't consider weekends as part of the month or challenge, so I just randomly skip the days. This weekend was sort of busy I guess, with the oldest turning 9. NINE! And the in-laws came up to visit and see her and we just generally had some things going on. Good things, trips to the library, movies, McDonalds, because a birthday isn't complete without MickeyDs.

Honestly, my brain just can't hold enough information or content to keep the household running AND blog every day. I guess I'm a reader, not a blogger.  Sigh. I guess no blogging fortune for me. Maybe I can write slower..and turn something I ramble into a book. A girl can dream.

Huh. It's the 5th.

Well, I thought I could at least post something inane every day. Apparently I can't even do that. Oh well. I'll keep trying.

We celebrated the oldest's 9th birthday today. NINE. She's so big and smart and wonderful. I love pretty much every age after 6 months.

Also finally beat gears of war level 50 last night with my brothers and husband. That was pretty awesome, even if we were up until 2am.

Parenting lists

Apparently parenting is mostly about making lists.

Get up kid #1, feed breakfast, etc...send off to school
Take dogs out in the middle of above.
Get kid #2 up, dressed and talk her through breakfast for the love of...
Drive kid to preschool.
Work.
Pickup kid from preschool.
Work.
Feed kid #2 and self lunch.
Work.
Work.
Get kid #1 off bus.
Get snacks and TV for kids.
Work.
Work.
Work extra to make up for preschool stuff.
Kid homework.
Kid awana prep.
Dinner.
Take kid to awana.
Target trip to get necessary groceries, birthday prep stuff, Christmas stuff.
Feed self.
Pick up kid from awana.
Get both kids up to bed, tuck in.
Shhhh just go to sleep.
No really, go to sleep.
Ahhh thank you.
Play gears, yay.
Sleep.

Repeat as needed.

NaBloPoMo yes?

NaBloPoMo means.. national blog posting month. So, blogging every day of this month, November.  I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try. In fact, I think I'll even just post 'Hello' if I can't come up with something genius and witty. Like this one. Hey, I'm working here and tonight I'm busy, so back off.

Olive Bungalow Giveaway

I'm just a little bit grateful that not very many people pay attention to what I write here. Olive Bungalow is having a giveaway and I get an extra entry by blogging about it. However, I don't want to decrease my chances of winnning...so...shhhhhh! :)  Check out the giveaway here!

The Muddy Monster

I ran in the Muddy Monster 5k run this weekend. It was a beautiful day. I am always sooooo surprised by how difficult it is to run outside. This was on grass and some gravelly trails, but mostly grass, it was really difficult. In some spots the path was sort of narrow so my speed was slowed and runners really had to watch the path for ruts and sticks, etc. So my time was much slower this time - 33 minutes and 18 seconds I think. I walked quite a few times also, which I tend to do apparently. I have a real problem motivating myself to keep running. What I need is a way to watch some TV show while I run these things...then maybe I could keep up a decent pace while distracted by mindless entertainment. Oh well, it was a fun run and a great weekend.

The race has a facebook page...alot of fun costumes and some really fun pepole to race with.

These two won first place. Very nice, excellent costume, and he was giving away candy. Love that they were so into the whole thing.

The winning combo

So I finally realized last night why I run. Why I haven't quit, like I've quit so many other exercise plans. I don't love to run, honestly, anyone that says they do, I think is lying at least a little bit. I love how I feel afterwards, I love how it feels to finish a race that other people are in..and to finish ahead of a lot of people feels great. But the running part, it's generally awful. But..I figured out why I do it anyway. It's something I've finally figured out that I can do for myself. I keep myself on task, I'm not a slacker about it, I hate it when I let anything get in the way of my regular treadmill time. Also, let me be clear - I'm not running a 5k every night. My treadmill has programs that let me burn X calories in X time and I typically choose the 400 cal/40min program which involves plenty of walking. I run a little faster during the fast parts and according to the treadmill I burn around 450cals. I also watch tv on the iPad while I'm doing it - I'd quit for sure without that. Anyway...that's the thing. I do it because I want to, it's sort of my "thing" and I don't want to stop doing it. Also, it works. My legs and behind have never looked so good.

I'm running in the MuddyMonster next weekend and I think I'm going to dress up. Maybe a bumblebee...from what I've heard about the facebook photos..I could have a shot at a costume prize if I make just a little effort. It doesn't start until 10 which I love and it's all trails and grass, which is soooo much better than road running.

The other part of this combo is yoga or pilates or piyo or some sort of core exercise. I actually WANT to get out my Tracy Anderson post pregnancy DVD and see if i can do more of it now. I've been taking a piyo class at a local gym and so far I really think its working. It's slow progress, but I believe it works. So I think I'll take at least one more session of the class and then I'll have to decide if its still worth the hassle of going to class, or if I can find a suitable pilates/yoga/something DVD to do the same thing. I think actual yoga or pilates poses are key though, so i'm hesitant to give it up. We'll see how it works out.

Random note. I love RunKeeper I know Dooce mentioned it on her blog recently, which I thought was pretty cool, but I was also like HEY I USED IT FIRST. It's a really nice program, and it works on my windows phone and so i have my music, runkeeper and phone all in one, which is awesome. It tracks your gps location and pace and elevation as you run, then it maps it all out for you online, which you can then share with others. It's just cool.

Okbye.

Remind me

Maybe if i blog about it, i'll remember to do it.

MOVE FFXI CHARACTER TO TOWN AND SUSPEND ACCOUNT AGAIN.

As much as I want to play it, the game is just too large and I can't possibly catch up right now. The cost just isn't worth it. Maybe when both girls are teenagers and can't stand to hang out with me anymore, maybe then i'll have time to play again.

Plus I really need to focus on getting to and winning a level 50 Horde on Gears3 with my hubs and brothers. That game turned out to be much more addicting and much less frightening than I thought. Fun stuff.

Smart Kids or Maybe Not

So from what I've read in a few places, here, for example, kids brains do not fully develop until they're nearly 20 years old. Thank God for that.

So..here's some background. I get my oldest dressed in the morning for school. Usually I wake her up, pick out her clothes and help her get dressed. Sometimes I leave the drawers in her dresser open so that closing them doesn't wake the other kid. So a couple weeks ago, I left the two bottom drawers open, so I don't wake the other kid and we can just get moving. Remember that, I left 'em open.

So, she comes home from school that afternoon, wanting to play her Nintendo DSi, great. I say, I put it upstairs, in your room, on the floor, in front of your dresser. So she goes upstairs to grab it. About five minutes later she comes down, Mom, I can't find it. What? I know it's there, I put it there myself yesterday AND I saw it this morning. So I go up, to help her look. I walk into her room and I almost dropped a F bomb. She's standing there, with the bottom drawers of her dresser STILL OPEN. She's actually walking AROUND the open drawers "looking" for the DSi. I said ... Are you [in my brain #$#%@#!] kidding me? Did you LOOK WHERE I SAID?! She looks at me. Then sticks out a foot, and pushes a drawer closed. Voila! There is it, RIGHT WHERE I SAID.

My mind was seriously blown. How can you look in a place you cannot see? Without  MOVING the things that block your view. She was walking around the open drawers. It still blows my mind now.

Thank GOD their brains are still developing.

Holy Crap a Preschooler!

There are no words.

Again. I did it again.

I had all these great "thoughts" last night. Things worth writing down! And I didn't. Good grief, I'm pathetic. I did finish reading "The Help" though, so there's that. Good book and I'm looking forward to seeing how it translates into film.

What I need is a journal type notebook and a book light that isn't glaring or obvious or 'holy crap what is that' wake up the husband type light.  Oh and a real nightstand to put such things on.

Not a wordsmith

I am not a wordsmith. I am the opposite of a wordsmith, whatever that is. I am terrible with words. Written, Spoken, Implied. I tell ridiculous stories that make no sense. I say what I believe people or animals/pets are thinking without being clear that's what I'm doing, thoroughly confusing everyone around me. Working at home, I tend to ramble when I get face time with other adults, as though it's my last hope of having a real conversation.  And yet, I still want to write something. Something interesting that other people might read. A story, a true story, or a mixed true/embellished story. Something based on things I know about (kids? web design? crazy parents and siblings? insane drivers?)...or maybe something completely made up.  I dunno. I think I need to start bringing paper to bed with me, because when I turn off the TV my mind doesn't stop. It keeps going for quite a long time. So..I'm going to just list some things I think about..before I sleep. When I wish I would get up and write them down, but I'm too lazy and afraid of failure to do it.

- I should write a book titled "Why Children Lick the Cart. A guide for parents when kids make them say wha???"  And explain, in my completely unprofessional, totally uneducated opinion why kids do some of the things they do, how to deal with it and mostly just get all the crazy shit they do out on paper. Its mind blowing to me that I may have done some of these same idiotic things as a child as well. How can that be?

- I should start a life coaching company. There are a lot of morons that could benefit from my no nonsense, Dr. Phil without the psychology degree common sense advice. For a small fee, I could tell you NOT to buy a car with a credit card. Also, sign up for a 401k ASAP if you can. SAVE NOW. Things like that. Things that don't occur to the common sensically challenged. The biggest problem with this idea is that I'd be inclined to tell people they ARE IDIOTS and WTF why aren't you listening to me, OMG. And then, I'm probably out of business. I have no patience for idiots. Or maybe I just write a book 'I am your Life Coach and you WILL listen to me' instead, so people can buy it and just put it down if I piss them off.

-Now I'm angry with myself for not getting up last night and writing more of this down, because I've forgotten some of it and now i'll have to wait to document more of it.

Jedi Mind School

So we're addicted to Big Brother. Yes, we're aware that it's a horrible show. We're addicted, it is what it is. So each year, we order Showtime so we can watch Big Brother After Dark (BBAD) and see what's going on in the house after hours. Usually, its nothing. Less than nothing. Last night there was still nothing going on, but Rachel and Jeff and Jordan were outside, just talking on the couches. And Jeff was recounting how he talked to Kalia (current HoH) about nominations. He told her, if she puts him up, she becomes his #1 target. The next moment she says, hey, I just want us to be on the same page here. He cannot believe her...I JUST SAID YOU ARE MY #1 TARGET if you put me up..how can she now want to be on the same page. WTF. He says... "She needs to go back to Jedi Mind School. Because her shit ain't working" OMG. We laughed soooo hard. It was perfect, it's how all the houseguests act, like they have jedi mind tricks and they try to work them on everyone at the same time and none of it works.

The husband says he's going to start using that line.

You need to go back to jedi mind school. Cuz your shit ain't workin. 

Awesome

Stuff

Wow I suck at blogging. Anyway..almost on vacation, almost time for school to start again. I registered for another 5k in September even though I feel like a slacker when I run now. Maybe I'll get a chance to run outside this weekend again. The puppies also got their first haircuts. They're exhausted now.

I did it. I ran a 5k.

I ran my first 5k this morning. 30:48 is my time. I was hoping for a 30 minute 5k, because I think that's the average, and I want to be at least average. Heh. It was hot, and hard, and I did walk for a short bit while I had a drink. And the description about it being FLAT wasn't entirely accurate. There were uphill parts..but it was ok. There was also mention of entertainment... A man on a bicycle with a boom box strapped to the back is NOT entertainment. But that was ok too. I made it, I ran it (with a brief walk) and I made it in a decent time. All that running and training and I have something to show for it. My number, and a free shirt, and some pictures (proof) and the knowledge that I did it. I DID IT!

Run Run Run

I think I'm going to register for a July 4th 5k run. Is that surprising to anyone else ? I shock myself with that statement. I ran on the treadmill last night though and I just got on, turned on Lie to Me on the iPad and ran for 33 minutes (walked 2min for a short warmup) for about 3 miles. I didn't get tired or bored (thank you iPad/Netflix) and I felt great afterwards. So I actually think I might be able to run a 5k. Huh. Who knew.

New puppies

I have got to be the worst blogger ever. I find myself slightly jealous at the women that blog for a living, taking ad space and paying their mortgages with their online yammering. Yet I can't write two posts in a week's time to save my life. I guess there's a reason they're making money at it and I'm not. Also, I'm not trying.

So a couple weeks ago we got new puppies. Apparently we can only be without a dog about 2.5 months before we just can't resist puppies anymore. So we went to LOOK at the local pet store, just to see the puppies and kittens and fish and birds. And we left with TWO DOGS. We could not resist buying one, and when we found out she had a sister, well, what kind of monsters would we be if we separated them? Meet Molly (larger with white between her eyes) and Lucy (small, in charge). They're slowly but surely learning about peeing outside and ONLY outside, slowly..slowly. They're super cute and fiesty and playful and everything puppies should be. The girls love them so we're glad we have them, in spite of the training work ahead of us in the next few months.

Also, I haven't written anything to anyone about anything. I haven't written anything for myself, for my own plans. I haven't written. Hell, I could hardly write this. And I'm pretty sure my sister just had or is about to have a baby, but we aren't speaking (for what seem like good reasons), so I won't even be invited to participate in any of that.

So. Life is meh.

Running: The perfect playlist

I think I finally discovered the perfect playlist for running. Last night the toddler "stole" the iPad I usually use to watch Bones through Netflix. Rather than cause tears and screaming, I took my iPod Touch and selected songs for a running playlist. I figured that it's only 30 minutes of actual running, I didn't need music for the warmup walk or cooldown if I ran out of songs. So..let's see..what songs would be good for running.

Avril Lavigne: Girlfriend
Sir Mix-A-Lot: Baby Got Back
Black Eyed Peas: Boom Boom Pow
Warrant: Cherry Pie
Vanilla Ice: Ice Ice Baby
Limp Bizkit: Rollin' (Uncensored of course)
DMX: Up in Here
Kelly Clarkson: Whyyawannabringmedown
Tag Team: Whoomp! There it is

Will Smith: Men In Black
Alien Ant Farm: Smooth Criminal

I didn't get to all the songs above, but I'm fairly the confident the ones I didn't hear would still be awesome to run to. The 30 minute running part of my very last C25K program went super fast. I even ran an EXTRA MINUTE because  Baby Got Back was on and I couldn't stop.

A couple others I might consider adding to the list:
EnVogue: Free Your Mind
Will Smith: Gettin' Jiggy Wit It
No Doubt: Hey Baby
Kelly Clarkson: I Do Not Hookup

It turns out that my rules for music when running is that I need to be able to mouth along with it - obviously I can't sing because I'll die of exhaustion, but I can lip sync. I found the other awesome part of the C25K app for my iPod - extra programs! There's a 35 minute run and 45 minute run option, so you can still have the prompts to warmup, run and cooldown, without being in any week/day schedule since I've passed the program. Those will really come in handy once I can try running outside. If the sun comes out. Ever.

MORE Exercise?

So I've been sick since last Tuesday or something. I blame the kids, the 2nd grader brought home a cold, and while I worked hard to keep her sister from catching it, I didn't keep myself from catching it. So I'm just now starting to recover enough. I postponed my C25K wk7d3 run because I wasn't sure I could get through it without a coughing session and I don't want to affect my runs that way. So I've been doing the 40-minute workout program on the treadmill. But..the more I run, the more I try to keep going and going on the treadmill, the more I wonder if I should be doing something else too. I keep getting suckered by infomercials for things like HipHopAbs, ZumbaDance, Insanity, and P90X...and the bodies on those people. I can only dream. I've lost around 10-12 pounds since January, which is great, but I have this belly I can't seem to ditch and the scale seems to refuse to go any lower. I've been trying to fit in some Bender Ball work after a run, but I can't always get to that, and I don't like to spend my entire evening's free time exercising. Sometimes I like to watch TV and hang out with my husband. So, now I'm wondering if I should try Jillian's 30day shred again maybe, throw it in on alternate days, and run on the others. She says I can be shredded in 30 days...what if she's lying and it takes more like 60 days and more intense workouts that I don't have. The worst part, is that I'll probably end up doing nothing and just keep running. Just keep running, just keep running. Sometimes I'm just lame all around.

Dear Mom

I need to write a letter to my mother. We haven't spoken in something like ten years. Yeah yeah, technically that's a long time, but whatever. I'm not in any hurry to open any lines of anything with her. Every time I tried to talk to her in the past, it backfired. She doesn't listen and doesn't HEAR me, so I'm only afraid that any attempt will result in the same frustrations. But I know it's something I need to do. I need to tell her the problems I have with 'reconciling' and the fallout we've all experienced from her decision to leave over twelve years ago. I NEED to get it all out there. I want to say I've forgiven her, but every time I think through that, I get angry and so I'm not sure that I truly have forgiven her. I guess I don't know exactly what that means really. Do I have to not be angry about any of it anymore? Do I have to talk to her as though everything is like it was twelve years ago? Do we have to be friends? Can I forgive her and still get her not to talk to me? For now, I procrastinate. In an effort to procrastinate more, I'll probably elaborate via blog and dwell on all these questions instead.

So grateful.

I never want to go through this again, putting an IV in a toddler is the worst thing I can imagine right now.

Last week, Lexi was sick. It started with vomiting on Sunday, which faded by Monday afternoon. Late Tuesday, diarrhea started. Sorry, this might be TMI for some. So all told it worked out to around five days of either vomit or poop, which seemed bad. So I made an appointment for her at the walk in clinic on Thursday because she threw up her breakfast. But then she seemed to perk up and had lunch and did well on Thursday afternoon, so I cancelled the appointment. But the diarrhea was lingering still, and she just wasn't herself. So Friday I made an appointment with the pediatrician. While we were checking in, she threw up at the counter. They noticed her lips were dry and her tongue was dry and so they pricked her finger to run a test or two. Her glucose was low so they decided it would be best to admit her for IV fluids. ADMIT her. To the HOSPITAL.

Cue parental failure brigade. Didn't notice your own child fading with dehydration right in front of you. FAIL. Didn't notice her super chapped lips and dry mouth. FAIL. Failed to know that so much vomit and poop would mean she was dehydrated. FAIL.

Getting that IV was the worst thing I've had to witness so far, no question. It took three nurses and FOUR attempts to get a usable vein. She was screaming so much Brian could hear her down the hall. Without a doubt the worst thing I've ever had to witness and participate in as a parent or in any capacity. I had to hold her down, and I'm pretty sure the EMT guy they brought in was also to hold her down because she was a very strong wiggler. Who could blame her. Friday she filled up on IV fluids, also drinking several juice boxes of grape juice. For dinner she had two cookies, more juice box and a bite or two of chicken nugget. Friday night was difficult, she slept pretty well, but they woke her at least twice to check vitals and look at her IV spot to make sure all was well. Saturday morning we were up around eight because the doctor was coming around. So she slept ok, but not as long as usual, nor as long as most toddlers require.

Saturday the doctor came in and said we would take the IV out and see how she did. If she could keep fluids down, and maybe some food, she could go home and we could take it from there. Ten minutes after he left, she threw up all the grape juice from the night before. So, she kept her IV. They gave her a nausea drug to help calm her tummy, and the rest of the day she drank more juice, ate some small lunch and read books. Just before dinner we talked with the next doctor on call and decided if she could keep the liquids down the rest of the day and maybe eat a little dinner, she could go home.  She had a little dinner, drank her juice, and the nausea medication wasn't a factor since it wore off after four hours. So...

It was such a difficult decision. Do we keep her there overnight, really load her up with the IV, get another night charged for the hospital and insurance, etc. Will we be sorry if we take her home and she can't maintain it on her own? Will we have to come back and get another IV and go through it again? It was so difficult, we didn't want to make the wrong decision. In the end, we brought her home. She was so tired from all of it, and from the interrupted sleep, we got home, cuddled for a bit and went to bed.

Sunday morning she was a new girl. Chipper in the morning, playing the 'i'm sick' card to bring her pacifier down with her. She has a free pass for the next couple weeks - whatever she wants as long as she drinks all the juice and pedialyte that I bought. Seriously, I think I cleaned out the Target shelves of all juicy juice juiceboxes. She was playing with her toys, using her imagination, calling people on her cell phone. She hadn't played like that in over a week. Holy moly the relief. Today, she's even better. Playing and drinking, and she's back to her happy go lucky self. I am so relieved I find myself on the verge of tears when I look at her and think about the last few days. Thank you God for taking care of my baby girl.

Our beloved puppy

We met Jill in a local, reputable pet store in August of 1998. She was born in May 1998. We were looking for a puppy with spunk and none of the puppies in this store seemed to have any. So we pet them all and played with them, and took them out and tested them out. Then we came to Jill. She was sleepy in the cage, not playing much, not doing much. Then we took her out. She tore across the store, zooming around and running like crazy. And we were hooked. We took her home with us.

She was potty trained within a month and rarely peed in the house unless we left her too long. Which was obviously our fault and not hers. She was cute and fluffy and playful and such fun. She also learned to beg. For food, for petting, for attention, for pretty much everything. She could balance on those back legs for at least thirty minutes, if not longer. It was quite a skill, and it usually earned her a reward.

She grew over time, just as we grew. We moved to a new house, which she promptly inspected and approved and learned to love the new yard and new space we had to expand. And then came the children. She was great with them, considering they weren't that great with her. At one point, I know that Sophie took a plastic kitchen spoon and smacked her directly on the head with it. Whap! Worst sound ever and I came down on Sophie so fast, she thought I was insane. Jill was my real first child. I made sure she didn't even think of doing that ever again! And then Lexi came along. She's only three now, so she won't remember Jill, but she loved her most right at the end, when she would lay down and rub her back and pet her head. Jill had given up on trying to avoid the girls altogether, and sometimes she could get crumbs and food from them if she just waited around long enough. It was a good trade off. They coexisted well enough.

Lately she'd been having some trouble. Trouble with peeing in the house, trouble with seeing where she was going. She had extensive dental surgery to repair her broken jaw and pull some rotten teeth. She taught us a lesson about doggie dental care - it's not just a crazy idea to get more money. If we'd spent it on her during her lifetime, she'd have had more teeth now. Her heart murmur was becoming more noticeable and she wasn't nearly as playful as she used to be. She still came running when the bread bag was open, or when chips were in play, but she wasn't as quick as she used to be.

Last week she started having trouble even standing up and walking. She was wobbling and tipping over some of the time. She started peeing in the house often. So often we knew something terrible was wrong. We took her to a vet who didn't try hard enough to find an answer, so we brought her home and hoped it would work itself out. It didn't. After several days of watching her struggle, of seeing her stop eating and really stop doing much, we took her to a new vet. Immediately they knew what might be wrong and ran some tests to confirm it. She was bleeding into her abdomen, we don't know exactly why or how, it could be a tumor or an infection, or just something old age had given to her. She was anemic and very close to needing a transfusion. So it was time to make a ridiculously difficult decision. She wasn't in pain necessarily, but she was unable to eat, unable to pee outside properly, unable to jump up on the couch, and unable to be the dog we knew her as.  So we made the most difficult decision we've had to make in a very very long time. We had to put our beloved puppy to sleep yesterday. It was quite possibly the worst day I can remember in a very long time. The girls are ok, because they weren't quite as attached, but the husband and I are broken with the loss. We miss her terribly, the routine, the noises, the fluff. But she's not hurting anymore, and we don't want her to hurt.

I suck at blogging, but I'm not bad at running

So it turns out I suck at this blogging thing. Apparently if I'm not getting paid for it, or there isn't an obvious reward for doing it - I won't. I don't quite know how to get around that, I think of witty things all day long, but the only person around is my toddler, who does not think I'm as funny as I do. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm totally used to the 40 minute treadmill routine. I'm also three weeks and two days into the C25K program. So tonight I'm going to take a run at the 50 minute routine on the treadmill. It should burn 500 calories over 50 minutes, during which I'll watch another episode of Bones on my iPod via Netflix Instant watch. After what I ate yesterday, I need to burn some calories. Speaking of which...have ya'll seen the commercial for the Insanity workout program? Something like 60 days, insane workouts, burning 1000 calories per 45 minute workout. I'm almost sucker enough to fall for that. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last though, although the prospect of looking that good by the end of April...is tempting. I think I'll stick to my treadmill, which is doing great work on its own. I'm down ten pounds, my pants fit better, and my tummy is even responding to the exercise by shrinking a little bit. A little Bender Ball added in there, and I'm set. Later.

Something terrible is happening...

I'm afraid to say it. I might be stuck doing this forever if I admit to it. Something terrible has happened.

I like exercising.

There. I said it. Fine, I like to exercise. I love my new treadmill. I LOVE LOVE that I can run on it for three minutes straight (2% incline, 5.0 mph) without dropping dead. I like that I even consider running a little longer if Ice Ice Baby is playing on my zune. I hate to turn it off in the middle of that song, it gets so little airtime anywhere. I thought I would just do 30 minute workouts, working off around 300 calories each time, every other day until I worked up to 40, 50, 60 minute workouts. These are preset workouts that came on the NordicTrack. Turns out I was used to the 30 minute workout pretty quickly and I've worked up to the 40 minute one. And that one ... ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT. I'm blowing my own mind. I'm going to keep on the 40 minute one for another week or more at least, before I try the 50 minute. The thing is, I also can't skip a day. I don't WANT to skip a day. So on the in-between days, I'm walking for 15-20 minutes and working off 150 calories. I feel like I can't waste any of the days not exercising, I should do something every day. I do try to skip a day so that it's really more like 6 days a week I'm doing some exercise. It's bizarre. I couldn't imagine being able to keep up with the 30 minute workout, or ever work up to the 40 minute, forget the 50 or 60 minute ones, never gonna happen. Now I'm wondering what I'll do when I can do them all without a problem. I'm gonna have to run that 5K I keep talking about. Shoot.

Anderson LifeCoaches

We're considering, although not seriously, opening our own LifeCoaching business. It feels as though we're surrounded by people making all kinds of terrible decisions. We have no counseling degrees, no psychological skills or training. We have an awesome grasp of common sense though. We'd love to sit down with [you] and give you straight facts about what you're doing and help you see perhaps another, less destructive path. Oh, you aren't going to listen? You already know everything about everything? Oh. Well, nevermind then. We'll try not to say 'i told you so'.

Goals

So I guess since I wrote them down over at All&Sundry I should list my goals here too. Something about keeping myself honest or accountable or something, whatever.

1 – lose 20 pounds and keep it off. I just signed up at livestrong.com for the free daily plate thing which is cool tracking all my food.

2 – write some things down. i have some personal situations i need to address and i need to write some things down to get a feeling for it and what to do about it. i’m already using the treadmill to bun off 300 calories every other day, so i’ll continue with that as well.

3 – write some other things. i always tell myself, secretly, quietly, that i’d like to write something. something others might read, so i’d like to give it a real try.

Hopefully my complete inability to post here or twitter doesn't mean my third goal is doomed from the start.