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Showing posts with label parenthood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenthood. Show all posts

Monday, February 11, 2013

Motherhood: Pick and Choose

I always find it fun to watch new parents. I know I WAS new at one point, but that doesn't make it any less fun to watch them flail and guess. I try not to offer unsolicited advice or to giggle right in front of them as they hilariously try to reason with their infants. It's fun to watch, the learning curve.  But as I thought awhile about motherhood and how it morphs as the kids grow...I realized it's probably still kind of fun to watch me try to parent.

I find there are a lot of things I didn't really know I was signing up for when we made these babies. I wanted cute babies, baby showers, gifts and pampering. It turns out I am not a fan of pregnancy, but I can tolerate it for the gifts and resulting adorable baby.

I did not sign up for children that don't just eat what they're given. I did not sign up to sit at a table with a child that finds out that POT ROAST is for dinner and oh the humanity - cries at the dinner table.

Wouldn't it be nice to pick and choose exactly how motherhood goes? Here is my list. And I'm not interested in comments about how I should be happy with my children, happy I don't have to deal with X or cope with Y. I KNOW. I am extremely blessed with my girls. They are wonderful, obedient (mostly), caring, fun children and I wouldn't trade them. But..if I'm making the list anyway, I might as well shoot high.

The obvious ones...I want them to be
happy (check)
considerate (mostly?)

eats everything
tries everything
brave but smart (perhaps 50/50 here)
smart (check)
beautiful  (check)
excellent sleepers (check)

I don't want...
whiners (oy the whining)
criers (crying on a dime makes me smashy)
afraid of simple things
to give the reproductive/sex talk

I think what I want are cute babies..that morph into super cute toddlers and then into preschoolers and school kids that aren't smarter than me just yet. Then I think I'd like to skip the teenage years because there is so much responsibility with teenagers. For me and for them. Those are the years I have to teach them and try to mold them..without them knowing...into responsible almost adults. It's frightening. I don't ever want to have a birds and bees talk with any child, but I know I'm a few short months from being forced to explain some of the basics to my oldest. I. don't. want. to. She's young, and innocent, and she's anxious and it will set her on edge, I'm sure of it. I want her to have the information and be smart and make good choices (abstinence) but I don't want to have to TELL HER about it :)  (I will of course).

It also turns out I don't want my kids to have friends. No no..I want them to have friends..at school, at church, but not in the neighborhood. I don't want to have to keep an eye on what they're doing or wonder what mine are doing at others' houses. I don't want to have to watch out for the bad seeds that try to take advantage. I don't like it, I'm incredibly uncomfortable with it. I can't control those parts and so I'd rather they just didn't exist. I do not get this wish obviously, my oldest is super friendly and has a lot of friends everywhere she goes - which is probably just payback for this irrational wish of mine. She's a great kid, of course she has friends. 

Oh well. We cannot pick a choose. We couldn't choose our own parents, so our kids cannot choose theirs. We do the best with what we have and what we're given, and with God's help, they turn out to be sane adults. I'm not worried about my children. I will work hard to raise them right with the help of my family and friends, but I sometimes wish I could just pause and remove some of the hard parts.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

5 Things I Didn’t Expect About Parenthood

Today's post over at Mom of 6 is about the unexpected parts of parenthood. So..here's my list.

5 Things I Didn’t Expect About Parenthood
  1. I didn't expect my entire body to be so in tune to my children. If they wake in the night (even now at ages 4 and 9) I am fully aware of it immediately. My body comes alive with the awareness, which is both amazing and kinda frustrating if they don't actually need me. Then I'm awake for nothing.
  2. I never expected to say "Please do not LICK the Target cart". Watching my daughter (5 then) run her tongue along the top edge of the Target cart from side to side was unbelievable. I couldn't believe she was doing it, I couldn't believe I had to tell her NOT to do it. I was stunned for a bit on that trip.
  3. I never expected to be annoyed with them. I knew I was annoyed with other people's children, but I assumed that was because they weren't my own beautiful offspring. Turns out, kids are just kind of annoying sometimes. You power through. 
  4. I am really really unprepared (and unwilling?) to teach them about things like monthly cycles (we have two girls) and sex and boys and body changes. I am about to prepare myself and inform my daughter about some things (she'll be 10 in November) but I am not looking forward to it.  I'm surprised by how much I do NOT want them to drive, or to date, or to go anywhere ever. I'm also surprised by my distrust of their friends, no matter how nice and friendly they actually are. I'm in overprotective mother bear mode all the time apparently.
  5. I am also surprised that while #4 is true...I am really really looking forward to next year, when the 4yo goes to Kindergarten and I will be home alone all day. I work from home and the concentration it takes to be productive while managing a child or two is exhausting. I look forward to accomplishing much without fetching eleventy billion cups of juice throughout the day.
The other topic could have been 5 Things I would buy for myself right NOW online if I had the money and I really really kind of wanted to do that too, so....
  1. curtains for the girls rooms, to block the heat and light - http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Eclipse-63-inch-Twill-Curtain-Panel-Pair/5550268/product.html
  2. a curio cabinet to hold my dad's china..which was my grandma's china -stacksandstacks.com
  3. some custom motorcycle seats for the husband and myself and maybe a windshield as well
  4. a tummy tuck? In theory I'd really love one, but in reality its too expensive and risky 
  5. does paying bills count? I'd like to pay off what we owe on the new furniture, the motorcycle and have enough left to get ahead on the house maybe. 
That list of things I'd buy is a little bit lame. I need to work on my want list. I'm a little to practical to make this list I guess.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Crushed by Responsibility

I am responsible.

I am responsible for dishes, and laundry, and general house cleanliness (I fail a bit..ok a lot... here). I am responsible for getting the children up and feeding most meals. I am responsible for keeping the kids clean and school registration. I am responsible for doctor appointments and dental appointments. I am responsible for waking them up and getting them ready for school or preschool or whatever day it might be. I am responsible for the dogs; training them, feeding them, scheduling groomings and vet care. I am responsible for my own health and the health of my family. I don't cook...very well. I am responsible to blame for my youngest's lack of taste (in food). I am responsible to keep myself as fit as I can, while keeping up all the other things.

I am responsible for the bills. I manage Quicken and make the decisions about when we pay what bills, when I get overwhelmed, the husband helps me out. I feel responsible to NOT spend anything extra when we own anyone anything for any amount of time. I feel responsible when the dogs chew something. I feel responsible when the kids get too annoying and we can't take it anymore and our voices get loud and then there's crying and hurt feelings. I feel responsible when I just can't read another book at bedtime because I'm aching to just sit and be.

I'm crushed by responsibility. I'd like to just relax and not worry about any of it. But I can't do that. It's not within me to NOT know when the bills are being paid or what our disposable cash flow will be at any moment. It's not within me to leave all of these things to someone else. Partially because I don't know who that person would be and partially because I don't think I trust anyone else to do it right.

(Lest anyone point out that I didn't mention these things...I am not responsible for the pool/spa, house appliance maintenance, the yard or the car maintenance. Thank heavens for that.)

I'd like to be just a little bit irresponsible someday. Maybe when all these responsibilities pay off we can be a little irresponsible. Being responsible is tiring.