Motherhood: Pick and Choose

I always find it fun to watch new parents. I know I WAS new at one point, but that doesn't make it any less fun to watch them flail and guess. I try not to offer unsolicited advice or to giggle right in front of them as they hilariously try to reason with their infants. It's fun to watch, the learning curve.  But as I thought awhile about motherhood and how it morphs as the kids grow...I realized it's probably still kind of fun to watch me try to parent.

I find there are a lot of things I didn't really know I was signing up for when we made these babies. I wanted cute babies, baby showers, gifts and pampering. It turns out I am not a fan of pregnancy, but I can tolerate it for the gifts and resulting adorable baby.

I did not sign up for children that don't just eat what they're given. I did not sign up to sit at a table with a child that finds out that POT ROAST is for dinner and oh the humanity - cries at the dinner table.

Wouldn't it be nice to pick and choose exactly how motherhood goes? Here is my list. And I'm not interested in comments about how I should be happy with my children, happy I don't have to deal with X or cope with Y. I KNOW. I am extremely blessed with my girls. They are wonderful, obedient (mostly), caring, fun children and I wouldn't trade them. But..if I'm making the list anyway, I might as well shoot high.

The obvious ones...I want them to be
happy (check)
considerate (mostly?)

eats everything
tries everything
brave but smart (perhaps 50/50 here)
smart (check)
beautiful  (check)
excellent sleepers (check)

I don't want...
whiners (oy the whining)
criers (crying on a dime makes me smashy)
afraid of simple things
to give the reproductive/sex talk

I think what I want are cute babies..that morph into super cute toddlers and then into preschoolers and school kids that aren't smarter than me just yet. Then I think I'd like to skip the teenage years because there is so much responsibility with teenagers. For me and for them. Those are the years I have to teach them and try to mold them..without them knowing...into responsible almost adults. It's frightening. I don't ever want to have a birds and bees talk with any child, but I know I'm a few short months from being forced to explain some of the basics to my oldest. I. don't. want. to. She's young, and innocent, and she's anxious and it will set her on edge, I'm sure of it. I want her to have the information and be smart and make good choices (abstinence) but I don't want to have to TELL HER about it :)  (I will of course).

It also turns out I don't want my kids to have friends. No no..I want them to have friends..at school, at church, but not in the neighborhood. I don't want to have to keep an eye on what they're doing or wonder what mine are doing at others' houses. I don't want to have to watch out for the bad seeds that try to take advantage. I don't like it, I'm incredibly uncomfortable with it. I can't control those parts and so I'd rather they just didn't exist. I do not get this wish obviously, my oldest is super friendly and has a lot of friends everywhere she goes - which is probably just payback for this irrational wish of mine. She's a great kid, of course she has friends. 

Oh well. We cannot pick a choose. We couldn't choose our own parents, so our kids cannot choose theirs. We do the best with what we have and what we're given, and with God's help, they turn out to be sane adults. I'm not worried about my children. I will work hard to raise them right with the help of my family and friends, but I sometimes wish I could just pause and remove some of the hard parts.

5 Things I Didn’t Expect About Parenthood

Today's post over at Mom of 6 is about the unexpected parts of parenthood. So..here's my list.

5 Things I Didn’t Expect About Parenthood

1. I didn't expect my entire body to be so in tune to my children. If they wake in the night (even now at ages 4 and 9) I am fully aware of it immediately. My body comes alive with the awareness, which is both amazing and kinda frustrating if they don't actually need me. Then I'm awake for nothing.
2. I never expected to say "Please do not LICK the Target cart". Watching my daughter (5 then) run her tongue along the top edge of the Target cart from side to side was unbelievable. I couldn't believe she was doing it, I couldn't believe I had to tell her NOT to do it. I was stunned for a bit on that trip.
3. I never expected to be annoyed with them. I knew I was annoyed with other people's children, but I assumed that was because they weren't my own beautiful offspring. Turns out, kids are just kind of annoying sometimes. You power through. 
4. I am really really unprepared (and unwilling?) to teach them about things like monthly cycles (we have two girls) and sex and boys and body changes. I am about to prepare myself and inform my daughter about some things (she'll be 10 in November) but I am not looking forward to it.  I'm surprised by how much I do NOT want them to drive, or to date, or to go anywhere ever. I'm also surprised by my distrust of their friends, no matter how nice and friendly they actually are. I'm in overprotective mother bear mode all the time apparently.
5. I am also surprised that while #4 is true...I am really really looking forward to next year, when the 4yo goes to Kindergarten and I will be home alone all day. I work from home and the concentration it takes to be productive while managing a child or two is exhausting. I look forward to accomplishing much without fetching eleventy billion cups of juice throughout the day.

The other topic could have been 5 Things I would buy for myself right NOW online if I had the money and I really really kind of wanted to do that too, so....

1. curtains for the girls rooms, to block the heat and light - http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Eclipse-63-inch-Twill-Curtain-Panel-Pair/5550268/product.html
2. a curio cabinet to hold my dad's china..which was my grandma's china -stacksandstacks.com
3. some custom motorcycle seats for the husband and myself and maybe a windshield as well
4. a tummy tuck? In theory I'd really love one, but in reality its too expensive and risky 
5. does paying bills count? I'd like to pay off what we owe on the new furniture, the motorcycle and have enough left to get ahead on the house maybe. 

That list of things I'd buy is a little bit lame. I need to work on my want list. I'm a little to practical to make this list I guess.

A sensitive girl

I am raising a very sensitive and anxious girl. I didn't quite realize it until recently.  I was so proud of myself this year, for scheduling a physical for both girls. Typically it takes some sort of miracle to get into the pediatrician for a physical appointment. They take those specially, you can't just sneak it into a regular visit, and if you don't call as soon as possible, you won't get in. It's super stupid. But this year, before school was out, I called and scheduled them both for a physical. The 4yo needs one for preschool. The 9yo just hasn't had a physical in awhile, so if we're going, they might as well both go.

So I told them about the appointments a month ago. I told them it was in June.  At first it was no big deal, but when school let out, the 9yo started having trouble sleeping. She would go to bed, and read her book for awhile, and then she'd call me in to tell me her stomach was 'jumping' and her legs hurt (growing pains sort of). This went on for a week. Somewhere in there I think she'd talked herself into thinking she was going to throw up. I asked her once what was going on and she said she might be nervous about the doctor appointment coming up. I was surprised to hear that, told her it'll be fine, not to worry about it. The real point though, is that awhile before that she asked if she was going to have to get a shot. I don't like to lie to them outright (except for their own good of course, Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy...whatever). So I said I didn't know - because I don't. I think she IS due for a booster of some sort, but I don't know for sure. But I said it'd be no problem, quick and easy, no worries.  So a few nights ago she was at it again. My tummy is getting jumpy, she says.  So I massaged her legs and said you have to tell me what's going on. Right now. Tell me.

I'm really nervous about the doctor appointment you said was coming up later in June. Oy. I talked her down, talked her through it, asked her what happens if you get a shot...its over..and then what...nothing. It's no problem. Also, she's been asking about getting her ears pierced, and a shot is a good way to get a feel for that. She's not convinced still, but she has stopped letting the anxiety get the better of her.

Whew. I'm going to have to watch out for that. Both for what I say about things that make her nervous and about reassuring her when the anxiety is unavoidable. This isn't a trait she gets from me, but I think I can help her manage it. And hopefully she'll grow more confident and less anxious as time goes by and life goes on. She is my sweet, sensitive, anxious almost TEN year old first baby girl.

Ah motherhood

Parenting brings a lot of unexpected...happenings? consequences? ...STUFF.

I spent last night on the couch, catching the toddler's vomit every few hours. I have decided she's lactose intolerant. Maybe not 100% intolerant, but she definitely has a threshold. The nachos for dinner was not a good idea, the last time she had nachos, she also threw up, but I blamed a cold instead. She does have a cold now as well but I still think there's a lactose issue. So, no nachos and we'll lay off the dairy and milk products as much as possible. What do you feed a kid that only eats chicken nuggets and spaghetti and shredded cheddar cheese, when you have to cut out the cheese?

The strangest part about last night was that I could hear her start to throw up almost a half second before she realized that's what was happening. So I would FLY out of my spot, over to her end, pull her up and over the towel I set up to catch each episode. She doesn't do toilet or bucket puke yet, in time, in time. It's almost like the body has its own kid emergency receptors and I just flew into action almost involuntarily. I flew, its really the fastest I can move I think, if I could run a 5k as fast as I run to catch puke...well, I'd be winning some things.

Tonight is going to be a repeat of last night, I'd bet cash on it. While I was on the teadmill tonight she threw up her spaghetti dinner. I knew she would, her head is all congested and she can't breathe very well. Poor punkin. If I could just take it from her, I would. But the best I can do is cuddle her and let her sleep on the couch with me, so I can more easily catch the puke..and then let her rest and watch tv tomorrow while she recovers. Preschool has been one stupid cold after the other. I feel very very blessed not to have had to take her to the doctor much because of it. Last year we ended up in the hospital with dehydration..and preschool wasn't even involved. So..she's building an immunity. Right? RIGHT?!

What is wrong with...

Ok. So the 9yo came down after her shower tonight and asked me if there's really a boy that goes around on Friday the 13th killing people. I was...surprised. I said no, it's just a movie, don't worry about it, it's not real. She says a girl in her class saw the movie and told her about it. She's pretty concerned about it, but I think I convinced her to go to sleep and think about other things. I can only hope she won't wake up freaked out about what her classmate said.

What parent lets their 8/9yo watch Friday the 13th!? I have never seen it, because I know what kind of movie it is and I don't want to see that. I'm not a fan of horror movies and I doubt my kids will be either. They frighten easily. But ok, it's not my business what you let your kids watch..but is it too much to ask that you counsel your child NOT to scare the other kids at school, maybe you say this was a special thing, watching this movie, and something we don't need to talk about with everyone else. I know that's asking a lot of a child, to keep something to themselves, but it can be done.

Am I wrong? Are 8/9 year olds watching these movies now? Am I delusional thinking parents can do better?  I don't believe in telling anyone how to parent, because we all have our own methods and our children are all different and respond in different ways to different things...but come on. Is it not a generally good idea not to let young children watch horror movies? Hmmph. I'm not pleased.

Babysitters

I was having some trouble coming up with what to write about today. Yesterday evening wasn't that great and not much happened today, so...hmmm. This weekend we have friends coming to visit and we'll be headed out to dinner. My girls are really great, really well behaved, but I know that we're going to want to relax and take our time, and talk for awhile when we're out. And the girls will eventually get bored...and vocal about that boredom. So, we need a babysitter.

Awhile back I joined care.com ($35/month yikes) for a couple months, to find some local reputable babysitters. It turns out most of the sitters on there are college students or day care women. So we picked a couple and tried them out, and the girls loved them. Today I called the first one, and her phone is no longer her phone...so..I guess she's out. So I tried the second, and while luckily her phone is still her phone..she's unavailable for this weekend. So...I'll be calling grandpa later tonight, to see if he's available.

I'm always torn when I call my dad to babysit. I know he loves the girls and would do anything for them, but I also know he has his own life. And girlfriend. She's wonderful by the way, and awesome with the girls. But I feel like I'm using him when he babysits, I couldn't pay him, it'd take a wrestling match to get him to let anyone pay for dinner, let alone pay him to watch his precious grandchildren. And I feel like maybe they had better plans (that he wouldn't tell me about) that I'm preventing him from. Sigh. Anyway, I'll call, he'll say yes - even if he previously had other plans - and hopefully we'll be all set.

The other thing is that babysitters are EXPENSIVE. Most of them say anywhere from $7-$15 per hour. If I recall, I babysat A LOT in high school, and I made somewhere between $2 and $5 per hour, never more than that. And the $5/hour people..those were the "rich" people and you hoped they'd call you again. I'm not complaining really, well sort of...shouldn't I be glad to pay ANY amount for the care of my precious cherubs? Turns out not. So we limit the paid babysitter to a rare occasion and use the grandparents as much as possible otherwise. Another great reason for the in-laws to move to town..another grandparent set to rotate in :)

Perhaps tomorrow I'll have a better post idea. Or something dramatic will happen! Ooooo! Unlikely.

Deal? Deal!

So a few nights ago, we tucked the girls in bed at regular time. I grabbed my workout stuff so I could head to the treadmill. We came down to the kitchen and found this on the fridge.

This is from the 9yo 3rd grader. She's getting up in years and has become smart, talkative, and resistant to trickery and tom-foolery. Usually each summer I make a chore chart, one for each kid. It contains things they should do on their own, but don't, and a few things they should do because I want them to and because they I want them to be responsible adults, right? Making your bed, brushing your own hair and teeth, it's not asking to much. It is not. Don't argue with me. I believe this is the 9yo's way of saying she disagrees.

READ THIS!
I made my own chore chart. If I do them all, I get two dollars. If I do some, I get one. If I don't do any, I get zero. So, Deal?

P.S. I'm starting the chores next week, cause it's in the midle of this week already. Deal? Deal!

Clearly she believes we've struck a deal. I couldn't even see the chores she'd selected for herself, they're so small on her chart. And her use of this notebook paper makes me feel like it's pretty unlikely she'll duplicate the process next week. Part of me is inclined to let her try this, or maybe I should have her help me make her chart in a more repeatable format. Of course, my printer doesn't work right now...so...she may be on to something.

The other part of this is how funny she is. She's not trying to be funny, she's serious most of the time if its not an obvious playtime activity. She knows chore chart time is coming (summer) and she's trying to head it off with easier chores like make bed, brush hair, brush teeth, nice to sis, kind to dogs, help family. I think it might be time to add in some slightly more difficult tasks. Empty and reload dishwasher, wash windows. I love that she's left off 'clean room'. She's hilarious and smart and beautiful and I wish she's stop growing up already. I'm not ready for ten...or twelve...or...or...teenager years.

Parenting lists

Apparently parenting is mostly about making lists.

Get up kid #1, feed breakfast, etc...send off to school
Take dogs out in the middle of above.
Get kid #2 up, dressed and talk her through breakfast for the love of...
Drive kid to preschool.
Work.
Pickup kid from preschool.
Work.
Feed kid #2 and self lunch.
Work.
Work.
Get kid #1 off bus.
Get snacks and TV for kids.
Work.
Work.
Work extra to make up for preschool stuff.
Kid homework.
Kid awana prep.
Dinner.
Take kid to awana.
Target trip to get necessary groceries, birthday prep stuff, Christmas stuff.
Feed self.
Pick up kid from awana.
Get both kids up to bed, tuck in.
Shhhh just go to sleep.
No really, go to sleep.
Ahhh thank you.
Play gears, yay.
Sleep.

Repeat as needed.