Marriage Advice

So I started out thinking I'd write about divorce since it seems to be going around a lot..not the discussion, just lots of people seem to be heading down that road. I kinda think everyone that gets a divorce should have to tell someone/everyone why they're divorcing. Irreconcilable differences doesn't do it for me. I imagine my parents would say something like... Mom: I drove my car to crazytown and stayed there (with some details about letting her journal run her life and convincing herself of many things that don't warrant bolting from her life). Dad: I didn't take steps to prevent her drive (not that I believe she would have done what he asked to fix her mental issues).  Totally possible I'm biased in this situation.

They're both at fault, perhaps in different ways, but they both have responsibility. Also, what do I know..I wasn't in their marriage. I was just a bystander, and collateral damage when it went kaboom. And I also haven't been through a divorce and I don't anticipate I will, so I'll never have first hand knowledge of what it's like.

So many bloggers I've noticed recently are splitting up. And I'm aware that its completely none of my business...but blogging about it sort of seems like you don't mind if it becomes your readers business. So give us the facts.

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Maybe because it's none of my business I should talk about marriage and/or weddings instead. I'm attending a bridal shower very soon for the daughter of the pastor that married us. She's a wonderful girl and I've known her since she was around 2yo. Part of the shower includes writing a recipe or a piece of advice for a soon to be married woman. They've not lived together and have only lived in dorms, so it's a true new beginning. I am also a horrible cook. What advice do i give?

Here are my thoughts. And I don't necessarily follow this advice myself, for many reasons, but I still think it's great advice.
1. Be honest. Always. Don't sugar coat anything and then let it grow to anger because you weren't honest.
2. Do not keep a journal unless you're a writer. A journal of grievances a horrible idea for a marriage.
3. Have your own time. You are still individuals and it's important to do the things you still love that don't involve each other.
4. Talk about everything. Everything, and yes, I know sometimes we glaze over and nod off..but do it anyway. Sometimes the only purpose of talking about everything is just so you get to say it, whatever it is.

What advice would you give?

Organize! Go!

I think I might be addicted to purging and organizing. I don't have a lot of time to do it right now, but I do love to sit and daydream about cleaning out closets and donating toys and throwing away all those mcdonalds toys. Pfft they're not toys, they're junk. And I just this second realized I could maybe use BASKETS in my linen closet to make it a less stupid place. Oh it's stupid. See.

Messy triangle shaped linen closet

Top of triangle closet

I saw some baskets when looking through OrgJunkie's 'spring into organization' week features. Delightful Order to be specific. My linen closet is triangular...TRIANGLE SHAPED! WHA?! I know, right? How does one fit large square/rectangle items into a triangular shelf. NOT WELL. Maybe baskets will help. I could roll up towels into the baskets, and use a lower basket on the bottom to hold the sheet sets. It doesn't have to be beautiful, but this makes me feel like I'm the worst housekeeper ever.

see. triangle shelf.

We moved into this house without choosing any of the finishes. We didn't build it ourselves, but it was brand new, so I probably shouldn't complain so much. But who wants weirdly shaped closets? The main floor coat closet is also triangular. It's not a big deal there, because it just holds coats and the vacuum. But still, little weird. I believe the missing corner is where a lot of venting occurs.

After that, I want to tackle the basement storage room. A lot of things in this room are things we need to keep, but it's probably close to 50% that we don't.

I'm trying to craigslist that comforter (Garden Nights King from BB&B) but we could really use a sort and purge in here. The freezer has to stay obviously, but the new bike for the 9yo can go in the garage, some of the toys can probably be donated also. We just don't need Littlest Pet Shop, Dollhouses, Polly Pockets, Barbies, Squinkies, ZhuZhu Pets...need I go on? Oy, so much junk. I need the husbands help to sort it all though, a large part of these things are his, from back when we ran our own servers and he regularly built and rebuilt computers. We don't do that so much anymore, so I'm betting that four drawer thing full of PC parts can just go directly in a dumpster. Shhhh I wouldn't do that without telling him.

Anyway, I'm hoping to make one of my spring goals this year "CLEAN OUT CRAP". It's been really easy to do it in other rooms, and I'm hoping my daily visits to orgjunkie and her organizationally spectacular friends will help inspire me and find new ways to organize and get the most out of our space.

We'll see how it goes :)

April Fools!

I used to think it would be funny to leave a fake positive pregnancy test for my husband on April Fool's day. Perhaps it was funny a few years ago, but since we've decided not to have any more kids and taken steps to prevent it, I don't think we'd find it as funny as much as terrifying. Our kids are getting to the ages that they're a little bit self sufficient, fun to talk to and have their own great little personalities. It's really difficult to imagine starting over. So...fake positive pregnancy test...not so funny anymore. I never actually did it of course, that'd take research and planning and ...work. Not such a fan of those either.

In other sort of related news, I'm super super excited that my sister in law is having a baby. A baby girl even! I'm so very excited about it, it's a little bit ridiculous. I can't wait to see her in about a month and see her little baby belly and throw her the baby shower she deserves. I am at the same time super pleased they decided to have kids (ok, one kid to start) and also super super excited that IT'S NOT ME! WOO! I always wondered if we'd regret not having more or not leaving the option open...but I. DO. NOT. The Hubs doesn't either.

So...I'm pregnant. April Fools!

After I typed that..I felt wrong..somehow like I'm just ASKING for some miraculous conception to spite me and my happiness with my growing children. So here's a little more..to distract the universe from my mockery.

This also starts my commitment to  NaBloPoMo for April 2012..I'm really going to do this, even if I have to schedule posts ahead of time or write something at 11:59pm some nights. I WILL DO THIS. I have a few conceptual posts already saved and waiting for some fleshing. out. So...here we go!

Good planning

So, over the last few days I've found myself trying to think of blog topics. Things I can talk about in April, when I promised to post every day.  I've been starting drafts with notes so I can remember WTH I meant to do with it. I also found a few old drafts that might make sense to use also. I figure if I can plan ahead a little bit, I won't feel like such a failure when I miss a day.

Is that cheating? I'm going to call it GOOD PLANNING.

Seriously? Lame blogging.

I just signed up for NaBloPoMo April. That's National Blog Posting Month..April. It means I'm committed to posting something every day in April. It looks like the prompts will be poem related, so I'll likely ignore that, but I WILL try to post at least something every day. I can do that right. It's only been a month since my last post. Sheesh, I have got to get it in gear.

New Shower Door

The new shower door was just installed. It MAKES the bathroom. It looks so great, with clear views into and out of the shower, no obstructed view because of the stupid curtain. I love it. Have to wait to use it until the morning, but it looks FANTASTIC.

Thanks to Allied Glass for the door and install, great job, very friendly, highly recommended.

A to Z

I copied this from @insidedog because it's a cute idea and an easy way to get a post up. I still want everyone to read and adore my super awesome master bathroom remodel, but we must all move on I suppose.

A to Z

A. Age: 35

B. Bed size: KING and I just got notice that my new comforter shipped. Yay Overstock.

C. Chore that you hate: Grocery shopping and laundry. Both are never ending.

D. Dogs: Two puppies, Molly and Lucy, shih tzus. They're ok.

E. Essential start to your day: My alarm. Without it, the day is crap at 730am.

F. Favorite color: Green.

G. Gold or silver: Both. Depends on the piece, but I like both.

H. Height: 5'6.5".

I. Instruments that you play: I used to play the piano, I suppose I probably still could a little bit if I tried.

J. Job title:Web Developer (ya ya, my title is also Mom)

K. Kids: Sophia age 9, Alexis, age 4.

L. Live: Iowa

M. Mother's name: Karen (but we aren't speaking...) mother-in-law Judy

N. Nicknames: Missy 

O. Overnight hospital stays: Two babies, 2002 and 2007. Tonsilectomy when I was 10. 2010 when Lexi had to be admitted for dehydration, worst thing ever.

P. Pet peeves: When the idiot puppies don't just go do their business and come back. I have a lot of these, I'll look petty if I list them all. So let's pretend I have none.

Q. Quote from a movie: "You done smoked yourself retarded!" Half Baked 

No I am not a pothead, and I think pot is awful. But that line sent me rolling.

R. Right or left handed: Right

S: Siblings: Two brothers 31 and 27, and a sister 30.

T: Travel favorite: Aruba and Maui, very nice, child free vacations.

U. Underwear: Thong. You asked.

V. Vegetable(s) you hate: Squash. I don't love peas.

W. What makes you run late: Toddlers that have to poop the moment we need to leave.

X. X-rays you've had: just dental x-rays. No broken bones for me.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Well, generally I don't cook, which is best for everyone, but I think I can make a pretty decent spaghetti if necessary. And I can make nearly anything out of a box .

Z. Zoo animal: Meh, zoos kind of smell and I don't love herding my kids through all those other kids and don't get lost and don't touch that it might be poo and get your face off the glass and gah, let's go home. Tigers.

Master Bathroom: The Reveal

Over the past month-ish we've been working on the master bathroom. From now on, when I say "we" I mean the husband. I did help grout and stain some woodwork, but 99% of the work was done by him. He deserves the credit. The end result is a masterpiece.

Let's start with the before. The bathroom is approximately 5 x 8..not a bad size, but not gigantic. The vanity and toilet were fine and usable, but the shower...the shower was not more than 3x3 (if that!) and one person could barely fit in there comfortably. It was also HELL to clean. I mostly gave up truly cleaning it the last few years. It just wasn't possible. Even though we're the first owners of this house, we didn't build this house, or choose the finishes, so we have to assume the builder went with the cheapest selections. The shower was awful, after Christmas we decided to remodel - which is good, because I was ready to stop showering it in, remodel or not.  The builder also decided to build a cabinet to the left of the shower. Super deep, super not useful (other than to hold a crapload of towels) and otherwise wasted space. We are going to take back that space.

Before: Shower and cabinet

Before: Cabinet and sink

Before: Vanity and light

The floor was linoleum, not bad, but not interesting. After ten (plus) years in this house, we decided to make the bathroom over. First...rip out the shower and cabinet. Then rebuild the area with niches between studs for shampoos and soaps.

Goodbye shower

Hello larger shower with fancy niches

  

Next - durock (cement board) the whole thing.

Durock/ Cement board

And then, because we are doing this thing RIGHT. Waterproofing. Vapor barrier is in place here behind the durock. We also used a TileRedi shower base which was really excellent for us. Tiled right on top of that no pouring cement or leveling, TileRedi is awesome.

Hello dark green waterproofer

And now...time to tile! also, see that cute little light he put in the shower too, so awesome.  He started with the floor, and then did the ceiling (which was NOT his favorite part) and the walls and niches. It all took quite a while, but he pushed and pushed and got it done. It looks awesome.

 

Tiled shower with a bit of a grout haze

 Then it was time for the rest of the bathroom. Fixtures, and a new toilet and new base cabinet and vanity top. I stained the medicine cabinet because the options to match the base were not optimal for what we need to store, and it looks good. I'm also working on staining the window in the bathroom and its casing. We took down the mini blind and frosted the bottom half of the window, which brings in light and doesn't leave a blind that just gets caked with dust and shower steam.

Hello Eljer Titan 4 Tall Round toilet

Beautiful Chelsea cabinet by Magickwood

Dark walnut stained medicine cabinet and new light fixture

I turned the light fixture upside down. I didn't want the light shining down on top of the cabinet so pointing it up seemed to work. there is plenty of light in the bathroom, especially with the extra shower light. And the shower light is connected to the fan in the bathroom, so it makes it easy to keep the steam down and therefore the mold potential.

The view from the master bedroom

We just went out to Allied Glass today to look at their doors so we shouldn't have to deal with the lame curtain and rod for much longer. I'll post another picture when the new door is in place. My shower this morning was awesome, I didn't want to get out.

UPDATE: The shower door was installed this morning (Feb 27) and it looks FANTASTIC.

Darn. They grow up.

Remember when you were in school, and time dragged on and on. And then in high school, and you thought you'd never be done and never escape the rules and study. It seemed to take forever for me, and I didn't mind school. I wasn't in any hurry for it to be over really. But it dragged on.

Why is it that the time with my children isn't dragging on as well? How did I get to already have a third grader? She's halfway through the year, we're almost into fourth grade...and then middle school..and wtf slow down! And the little one..preschool this year and next and then she's into it also. Why is it going so fast when I'm not the one in school.

Damn. They grow up. And so fast is not even accurate..they grow up at the speed of a blink. In the blink of an eye. Before you know it. Right in front of you. All the clichés.

Out back

Last weekend we were trying to decide where to take the girls for dinner. We'd like to go to restaurants, but unless there's a kid menu and/or chicken in kid form, it's not a very safe bet. The husband mentioned he'd like to go to Outback and the 4yo heard him. Daddy, you can't eat out back!

Oh the things the children say.

In other good news, the master shower looks fantastic. I have pictures to show and such but I want to wait until the whole room is complete before I write it up with pictures. The shower was the biggest part, he tore out the old one and put in a new pan, new plumbing and tiled it up beautifully. There are niches for our shampoos and two showerheads. TWO showerheads. And enough room to turn around, do a dance AND shave my legs. I can't wait to use it. First we need to rip out the vanity, toilet, paint the walls, tile the floor, and install the new vanity and cabinet and pick out a toilet. THEN I'll have the whole story to tell. It's going to be awesome, though, I just know it.

Journal Schmournal

I tore out the pages of my journal a few days ago. I thought I would just keep paper and pen nearby  at all times, so I could write down the genius that flows from my mind. It turns out it's not genius. It's drivel. It's a record of my complaining sorry self. And I don't want to look back at that ever and be disgusted with myself. So I tore out the pages. The only thing I commit to writing down now are actual genius ideas that might make me a pile of cash. Highly unlikely to happen, so it'll be paper for the children soon I'm sure.


Joy Dare: Day 31
A gift found on paper, in a person, in a picture

on paper: A paycheck that covered the house payment and left some for us, thanks to back pay.

in a person: My husband. While grouting the tile with him, we had some laughs. That's my favorite part of marriage. The laughing.

in a picture: the 4yo brings home her drawings every tues/thurs from preschool. She's always so proud, but at the same time she wants to put them in the 'special folder' so i don't throw them away.  I will one day (after I photograph them for a photo memory book)

Joy Dare: Day 30

Three old things seen new.

1. The shower! The old master bathroom shower has been removed and replaced with a beautiful tile shower. We finished grouting last night and it looks fantastic. Cannot wait to finish the rest.

2. Toys. The girls don't realize that they rotate their toys, but they do. They "lose" them sometimes in their own rooms or in the basement and then they rediscover them later and it's like brand new toys. It's fun to watch, although I do still wish we could just clean out piles of them. Someday.

3. the computer. Recently the computer has had problems with flash player, so we rebuilt it and I didn't re-install. So the girls haven't been able to play on the computer for some months now. I recently reinstalled the player, figuring at least they could play awhile before it started crashing the machine again. They're thrilled.

Joy Dare: Day 29

a song heard, a soft word, where you saw light

song: Rolling in the Deep is probably going to be my favorite song for quite awhile. Her voice and range is so wonderful. And its alto-ish, so I can sing along.

word: lexi and sophie..both saying 'i love you mommy' after i tuck them in for bed.

light: in the new bathroom. A light in the shower, seemingly unnecessary but so very nice and effective when installed.

Joy Dare: Day 28

Three graces found in your friends

1. My friend Jen is lighthearted and sincere. A true interested friend. I really need to call her soon and see that baby that's not a baby anymore.

2. My friend Lisa is fun and honest (like me) and we get along very very well.

3. My friend Stacy is smart and insightful and honest. She's a teacher, molding young minds and a grad student, expanding her own mind.

My friends, although few, are awesome.

Joy Dare: Day 27

Three gifts that might never have been

1. My house - we could have stayed in the smaller house for awhile, but I love this place. we've been here ten years now.
2. My new/remodeled bathroom (starting to look really really good)
3. My new nephew or neice - my sister in law is pregnant and I honestly thought they would never have kids, So i'm super excited about this one.