So grateful.

I never want to go through this again, putting an IV in a toddler is the worst thing I can imagine right now.

Last week, Lexi was sick. It started with vomiting on Sunday, which faded by Monday afternoon. Late Tuesday, diarrhea started. Sorry, this might be TMI for some. So all told it worked out to around five days of either vomit or poop, which seemed bad. So I made an appointment for her at the walk in clinic on Thursday because she threw up her breakfast. But then she seemed to perk up and had lunch and did well on Thursday afternoon, so I cancelled the appointment. But the diarrhea was lingering still, and she just wasn't herself. So Friday I made an appointment with the pediatrician. While we were checking in, she threw up at the counter. They noticed her lips were dry and her tongue was dry and so they pricked her finger to run a test or two. Her glucose was low so they decided it would be best to admit her for IV fluids. ADMIT her. To the HOSPITAL.

Cue parental failure brigade. Didn't notice your own child fading with dehydration right in front of you. FAIL. Didn't notice her super chapped lips and dry mouth. FAIL. Failed to know that so much vomit and poop would mean she was dehydrated. FAIL.

Getting that IV was the worst thing I've had to witness so far, no question. It took three nurses and FOUR attempts to get a usable vein. She was screaming so much Brian could hear her down the hall. Without a doubt the worst thing I've ever had to witness and participate in as a parent or in any capacity. I had to hold her down, and I'm pretty sure the EMT guy they brought in was also to hold her down because she was a very strong wiggler. Who could blame her. Friday she filled up on IV fluids, also drinking several juice boxes of grape juice. For dinner she had two cookies, more juice box and a bite or two of chicken nugget. Friday night was difficult, she slept pretty well, but they woke her at least twice to check vitals and look at her IV spot to make sure all was well. Saturday morning we were up around eight because the doctor was coming around. So she slept ok, but not as long as usual, nor as long as most toddlers require.

Saturday the doctor came in and said we would take the IV out and see how she did. If she could keep fluids down, and maybe some food, she could go home and we could take it from there. Ten minutes after he left, she threw up all the grape juice from the night before. So, she kept her IV. They gave her a nausea drug to help calm her tummy, and the rest of the day she drank more juice, ate some small lunch and read books. Just before dinner we talked with the next doctor on call and decided if she could keep the liquids down the rest of the day and maybe eat a little dinner, she could go home.  She had a little dinner, drank her juice, and the nausea medication wasn't a factor since it wore off after four hours. So...

It was such a difficult decision. Do we keep her there overnight, really load her up with the IV, get another night charged for the hospital and insurance, etc. Will we be sorry if we take her home and she can't maintain it on her own? Will we have to come back and get another IV and go through it again? It was so difficult, we didn't want to make the wrong decision. In the end, we brought her home. She was so tired from all of it, and from the interrupted sleep, we got home, cuddled for a bit and went to bed.

Sunday morning she was a new girl. Chipper in the morning, playing the 'i'm sick' card to bring her pacifier down with her. She has a free pass for the next couple weeks - whatever she wants as long as she drinks all the juice and pedialyte that I bought. Seriously, I think I cleaned out the Target shelves of all juicy juice juiceboxes. She was playing with her toys, using her imagination, calling people on her cell phone. She hadn't played like that in over a week. Holy moly the relief. Today, she's even better. Playing and drinking, and she's back to her happy go lucky self. I am so relieved I find myself on the verge of tears when I look at her and think about the last few days. Thank you God for taking care of my baby girl.

Our beloved puppy

We met Jill in a local, reputable pet store in August of 1998. She was born in May 1998. We were looking for a puppy with spunk and none of the puppies in this store seemed to have any. So we pet them all and played with them, and took them out and tested them out. Then we came to Jill. She was sleepy in the cage, not playing much, not doing much. Then we took her out. She tore across the store, zooming around and running like crazy. And we were hooked. We took her home with us.

She was potty trained within a month and rarely peed in the house unless we left her too long. Which was obviously our fault and not hers. She was cute and fluffy and playful and such fun. She also learned to beg. For food, for petting, for attention, for pretty much everything. She could balance on those back legs for at least thirty minutes, if not longer. It was quite a skill, and it usually earned her a reward.

She grew over time, just as we grew. We moved to a new house, which she promptly inspected and approved and learned to love the new yard and new space we had to expand. And then came the children. She was great with them, considering they weren't that great with her. At one point, I know that Sophie took a plastic kitchen spoon and smacked her directly on the head with it. Whap! Worst sound ever and I came down on Sophie so fast, she thought I was insane. Jill was my real first child. I made sure she didn't even think of doing that ever again! And then Lexi came along. She's only three now, so she won't remember Jill, but she loved her most right at the end, when she would lay down and rub her back and pet her head. Jill had given up on trying to avoid the girls altogether, and sometimes she could get crumbs and food from them if she just waited around long enough. It was a good trade off. They coexisted well enough.

Lately she'd been having some trouble. Trouble with peeing in the house, trouble with seeing where she was going. She had extensive dental surgery to repair her broken jaw and pull some rotten teeth. She taught us a lesson about doggie dental care - it's not just a crazy idea to get more money. If we'd spent it on her during her lifetime, she'd have had more teeth now. Her heart murmur was becoming more noticeable and she wasn't nearly as playful as she used to be. She still came running when the bread bag was open, or when chips were in play, but she wasn't as quick as she used to be.

Last week she started having trouble even standing up and walking. She was wobbling and tipping over some of the time. She started peeing in the house often. So often we knew something terrible was wrong. We took her to a vet who didn't try hard enough to find an answer, so we brought her home and hoped it would work itself out. It didn't. After several days of watching her struggle, of seeing her stop eating and really stop doing much, we took her to a new vet. Immediately they knew what might be wrong and ran some tests to confirm it. She was bleeding into her abdomen, we don't know exactly why or how, it could be a tumor or an infection, or just something old age had given to her. She was anemic and very close to needing a transfusion. So it was time to make a ridiculously difficult decision. She wasn't in pain necessarily, but she was unable to eat, unable to pee outside properly, unable to jump up on the couch, and unable to be the dog we knew her as.  So we made the most difficult decision we've had to make in a very very long time. We had to put our beloved puppy to sleep yesterday. It was quite possibly the worst day I can remember in a very long time. The girls are ok, because they weren't quite as attached, but the husband and I are broken with the loss. We miss her terribly, the routine, the noises, the fluff. But she's not hurting anymore, and we don't want her to hurt.

I suck at blogging, but I'm not bad at running

So it turns out I suck at this blogging thing. Apparently if I'm not getting paid for it, or there isn't an obvious reward for doing it - I won't. I don't quite know how to get around that, I think of witty things all day long, but the only person around is my toddler, who does not think I'm as funny as I do. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm totally used to the 40 minute treadmill routine. I'm also three weeks and two days into the C25K program. So tonight I'm going to take a run at the 50 minute routine on the treadmill. It should burn 500 calories over 50 minutes, during which I'll watch another episode of Bones on my iPod via Netflix Instant watch. After what I ate yesterday, I need to burn some calories. Speaking of which...have ya'll seen the commercial for the Insanity workout program? Something like 60 days, insane workouts, burning 1000 calories per 45 minute workout. I'm almost sucker enough to fall for that. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last though, although the prospect of looking that good by the end of April...is tempting. I think I'll stick to my treadmill, which is doing great work on its own. I'm down ten pounds, my pants fit better, and my tummy is even responding to the exercise by shrinking a little bit. A little Bender Ball added in there, and I'm set. Later.

Something terrible is happening...

I'm afraid to say it. I might be stuck doing this forever if I admit to it. Something terrible has happened.

I like exercising.

There. I said it. Fine, I like to exercise. I love my new treadmill. I LOVE LOVE that I can run on it for three minutes straight (2% incline, 5.0 mph) without dropping dead. I like that I even consider running a little longer if Ice Ice Baby is playing on my zune. I hate to turn it off in the middle of that song, it gets so little airtime anywhere. I thought I would just do 30 minute workouts, working off around 300 calories each time, every other day until I worked up to 40, 50, 60 minute workouts. These are preset workouts that came on the NordicTrack. Turns out I was used to the 30 minute workout pretty quickly and I've worked up to the 40 minute one. And that one ... ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT. I'm blowing my own mind. I'm going to keep on the 40 minute one for another week or more at least, before I try the 50 minute. The thing is, I also can't skip a day. I don't WANT to skip a day. So on the in-between days, I'm walking for 15-20 minutes and working off 150 calories. I feel like I can't waste any of the days not exercising, I should do something every day. I do try to skip a day so that it's really more like 6 days a week I'm doing some exercise. It's bizarre. I couldn't imagine being able to keep up with the 30 minute workout, or ever work up to the 40 minute, forget the 50 or 60 minute ones, never gonna happen. Now I'm wondering what I'll do when I can do them all without a problem. I'm gonna have to run that 5K I keep talking about. Shoot.

Anderson LifeCoaches

We're considering, although not seriously, opening our own LifeCoaching business. It feels as though we're surrounded by people making all kinds of terrible decisions. We have no counseling degrees, no psychological skills or training. We have an awesome grasp of common sense though. We'd love to sit down with [you] and give you straight facts about what you're doing and help you see perhaps another, less destructive path. Oh, you aren't going to listen? You already know everything about everything? Oh. Well, nevermind then. We'll try not to say 'i told you so'.

Goals

So I guess since I wrote them down over at All&Sundry I should list my goals here too. Something about keeping myself honest or accountable or something, whatever.

1 – lose 20 pounds and keep it off. I just signed up at livestrong.com for the free daily plate thing which is cool tracking all my food.

2 – write some things down. i have some personal situations i need to address and i need to write some things down to get a feeling for it and what to do about it. i’m already using the treadmill to bun off 300 calories every other day, so i’ll continue with that as well.

3 – write some other things. i always tell myself, secretly, quietly, that i’d like to write something. something others might read, so i’d like to give it a real try.

Hopefully my complete inability to post here or twitter doesn't mean my third goal is doomed from the start.

A Glance at my 2010

This is a quiz that Linda takes every year apparently. So I copied it..and I'll answer it in a while, when work lets up.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Is is sad that the only thing I can think of is work related: 'built a drupal site' ?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make resolutions, i'm only disappointed when i don't meet them. I make myself deals all the time, all year, every day and i rarely live up to those. why would new year's ones be any different, so i don't bother.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

yes, maid of honor in my wedding/best friend had a perfect baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not that i know of.

5. What countries did you visit?
None, we did go to Florida, DisneyWorld, which is like its own country, does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A little bit better money control, although the end of 2010 was turning pretty well. I'd like to feel like I have more time, with the kids, with the husband, with some exercise, even though I now more time won't actually exist.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Hmmm, none?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I don't think I had any unless we refer to #1, which i don't count. Ohhh this I must change. I potty trained a toddler this year, which is a HUGE achievement. AND I won't have to do it again. Woo.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'd rather not say.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Brown boots from Famous Footwear. Love them so much.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, mortgage, investments.

13. What did you get really excited about?
my new treadmill, my kid's great grades

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
LAdy Antebellum, American Honey

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? the same.
– thinner or fatter? fatter for sure.
– richer or poorer? Financially richer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

i don't know. i don't like shoulda's

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

yell at the kids.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
with all my family, both sides, it was pretty great

19. What was your favorite TV program?
oooo tough one. grey's anatomy i guess..or the closer, or brothers & sisters...shoot. too many.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
i read too many to remember, none super memorable, but all good.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

Lady Antebellum, Need You Now album

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
mmm not sure i had a favorite. We rent alot...

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34 in July, and I don't think I did anything out of the ordinary.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
particular people coming to their senses.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
ha! i'm trying to be comfy and trendy, which is a difficult combo while towing two children and rarely leaving the house.

26. What kept you sane?
my DVR and AmazonKindle and the new HotSprings Spa we bought in July

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I think I already knew this, but i'm not in charge of everything.

Happy Holidays

Oy. I'm so lame at this blog thing. I yammer all the time, to myself, to my toddler that can't quite understand. I talk to my computer all day long about what's wrong with this, how this is never going to work and how i underestimated this thing here. You'd think I'd be able to get some of that down on paper...blog. Right now, my back hurts and this project will probably kill me before it's over. I've got some other heavier things on my mind too, but I'm not really sure the blogosphere is where I want to let those loose. Anyway, Happy Holidays. Maybe i'll try to suck less at this next year.

This week can suck it.

No really, this week can suck it. I'm over it, and totally tired of it.

Lice. I hate lice. HAAATTTTEEE. I think we've won the war but I'm still trying to be vigilant and keep an eye out for strays that could repopulate her head. Did I mention that I hate lice?

Bronchitis. So I don't hate it because it's not like it's around all the time, but on top of the lice, she got bronchitis along with some really swollen glands. Sheesh, kid can't catch a break.

Then we missed the bus on Thursday, so I was late to work, and then had to leave again to get some birthday treats to the kid's class since there's no school tomorrow. Holy moly batman, this day and this week has been one big bust.

Also got some news about a family member that makes me want to move far far away.

Please let next week be better.

Bugs. Eight.

Head lice are from the devil.

Lunges are also from the devil.

My oldest is turning EIGHT in a little over a week. Ya. Eight. It's unbelievable that they keep growing no matter what you do.

random randomness.

A treadmill. We're thinking about getting a treadmill, which I'm unreasonably excited about. I want to exercise, I really do, and Step Aerobics is great, and the class I go to is great and the people are great and I love it. But I don't love the organization it takes to get everything lined up the nights I have step class, to make sure the kids are fed, homeworked and ready for bed the moment I get home. Forget about Wed. nights when we throw kid church in the middle as well. What if I could just go down to the basement, and walk/run down there whenever I wanted? Holy moly the possibilities. We're discussing it, perhaps as a Christmas present to ourselves.

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Doctor visits. Is anyone else irrationally suckered by everything the doctor says? I am. They are the expert, the person with all those years of schooling and internships and practicing. They know. I don't. So when I'm in a situation where I completely disagree, I decline the service they're offering and nod my head until the appointment is over. Then I rant in the car, to the unsuspecting child/patient. I have no backbone.

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Something else bothers me too. But since I didn't write it down, knowing I wanted to write about it..I can't remember.

goodbye diapers...soon.

Kid#2 has been doing really really well with potty training. Her big sister suddenly decided to be trained about a week before her third birthday. Kid#2 turns 3 tomorrow. So she's not quite going to make that, but she's going to come close it seems. The last few days she's been really really aware of having to go potty and tells me and we go and there's dry diapers and no problems. We've been using the Huggies Pull Ups, in pink princess of course, and I think Huggies has a problem. They've placed disappearing artwork on the front of the pullup. So if the child wets, the artwork disappears. This does NOT encourage the child to stay dry. This encourages the child to pee to see how cool it is when they disappear. So, to avoid the problem, I've made a big deal of NOT making them disappear, and I promised we can make the disappear at bathtime, with water. So we're good I think, but whose stupid idea was that. A better idea would be to have some sort of angry artwork appear when they pee, something scary. For kid#2 that'd be a stuffed ladybug. I know. Whatever. Better luck next time Huggies.

Your children are keeping me up at night

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about the neighbor kids. Ya, not my own, who were sleeping peacefully. These kids are new to the neighborhood, and nice kids. The oldest is 7, a girl and a new friend to kid#1, the other is 5 and a boy. It turns out they have a rule, where the oldest can only go play with her friends if the young one can tag along. I don't have any 5 year old boys to entertain him, so it seems like an unfair rule to everyone. The older kid, my kids, me, and the 5 yr old boy. I don't understand why they don't get to have their own friends. They are a military family, so I'm certain that it comes from moving every few years and having to rebuild friendships over and over. My dilemma is trying to figure out how to allow the older kid to play with mine, while sending the little one back home to make his own friends with kids his own age. I think the result is going to be that neither of them are going to be able to play with the local kids. Allowing the one to play means essentially committing to babysitting the other. I feel bad for the kids and a little bit angry with the parents.

Top of the Muffin to ya

Low rise jeans = muffin top. I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out. I've been buying medium to low rise jeans under some delusion that if its beneath my annoying belly bulge it makes it less noticeable. I'm completely inept at sucking it in, so obviously my logic is flawed. So I recently gave up on my 5/6 jeans with the too low rise waist from Maurices and accepted that I'm really a size 8, with a mid rise. Beneath the belly button, but not so close to the panty line. I found a great pair at Younkers, from 9West. They fit great and I think once I wash/dry 'em they'll fit even better, not worse like every other pair I own. So. Step one in dressing a bit more trendy: check. I also managed to buy a cute tank and wrap/cardigan thing that looks great, with an awesome long necklace from Deb. I feel more trendy just owning it.

style and time

I need more time. More hours in the day, more days in the week (those would obviously belong to the weekend, no one needs additional work days). I want extra time so I can spend all the time with my family that I do now, still get my work done AND have time to go to the gym, plan meals, and shop for a wardrobe that would make Maggie Mason proud. Somehow it seems unlikely any of that is going to happen. So now, I just have to figure out how to get up earlier to fit a few more things in, and keep my eye out for stellar style deals. I want to wear more tights and skirts...first I have to convince myself I can pull that off.