Something terrible is happening...

I'm afraid to say it. I might be stuck doing this forever if I admit to it. Something terrible has happened.

I like exercising.

There. I said it. Fine, I like to exercise. I love my new treadmill. I LOVE LOVE that I can run on it for three minutes straight (2% incline, 5.0 mph) without dropping dead. I like that I even consider running a little longer if Ice Ice Baby is playing on my zune. I hate to turn it off in the middle of that song, it gets so little airtime anywhere. I thought I would just do 30 minute workouts, working off around 300 calories each time, every other day until I worked up to 40, 50, 60 minute workouts. These are preset workouts that came on the NordicTrack. Turns out I was used to the 30 minute workout pretty quickly and I've worked up to the 40 minute one. And that one ... ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT. I'm blowing my own mind. I'm going to keep on the 40 minute one for another week or more at least, before I try the 50 minute. The thing is, I also can't skip a day. I don't WANT to skip a day. So on the in-between days, I'm walking for 15-20 minutes and working off 150 calories. I feel like I can't waste any of the days not exercising, I should do something every day. I do try to skip a day so that it's really more like 6 days a week I'm doing some exercise. It's bizarre. I couldn't imagine being able to keep up with the 30 minute workout, or ever work up to the 40 minute, forget the 50 or 60 minute ones, never gonna happen. Now I'm wondering what I'll do when I can do them all without a problem. I'm gonna have to run that 5K I keep talking about. Shoot.

Anderson LifeCoaches

We're considering, although not seriously, opening our own LifeCoaching business. It feels as though we're surrounded by people making all kinds of terrible decisions. We have no counseling degrees, no psychological skills or training. We have an awesome grasp of common sense though. We'd love to sit down with [you] and give you straight facts about what you're doing and help you see perhaps another, less destructive path. Oh, you aren't going to listen? You already know everything about everything? Oh. Well, nevermind then. We'll try not to say 'i told you so'.

Goals

So I guess since I wrote them down over at All&Sundry I should list my goals here too. Something about keeping myself honest or accountable or something, whatever.

1 – lose 20 pounds and keep it off. I just signed up at livestrong.com for the free daily plate thing which is cool tracking all my food.

2 – write some things down. i have some personal situations i need to address and i need to write some things down to get a feeling for it and what to do about it. i’m already using the treadmill to bun off 300 calories every other day, so i’ll continue with that as well.

3 – write some other things. i always tell myself, secretly, quietly, that i’d like to write something. something others might read, so i’d like to give it a real try.

Hopefully my complete inability to post here or twitter doesn't mean my third goal is doomed from the start.

A Glance at my 2010

This is a quiz that Linda takes every year apparently. So I copied it..and I'll answer it in a while, when work lets up.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Is is sad that the only thing I can think of is work related: 'built a drupal site' ?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make resolutions, i'm only disappointed when i don't meet them. I make myself deals all the time, all year, every day and i rarely live up to those. why would new year's ones be any different, so i don't bother.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

yes, maid of honor in my wedding/best friend had a perfect baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not that i know of.

5. What countries did you visit?
None, we did go to Florida, DisneyWorld, which is like its own country, does that count?

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A little bit better money control, although the end of 2010 was turning pretty well. I'd like to feel like I have more time, with the kids, with the husband, with some exercise, even though I now more time won't actually exist.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Hmmm, none?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I don't think I had any unless we refer to #1, which i don't count. Ohhh this I must change. I potty trained a toddler this year, which is a HUGE achievement. AND I won't have to do it again. Woo.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I'd rather not say.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Brown boots from Famous Footwear. Love them so much.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, mortgage, investments.

13. What did you get really excited about?
my new treadmill, my kid's great grades

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
LAdy Antebellum, American Honey

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder? the same.
– thinner or fatter? fatter for sure.
– richer or poorer? Financially richer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

i don't know. i don't like shoulda's

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

yell at the kids.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
with all my family, both sides, it was pretty great

19. What was your favorite TV program?
oooo tough one. grey's anatomy i guess..or the closer, or brothers & sisters...shoot. too many.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
i read too many to remember, none super memorable, but all good.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

Lady Antebellum, Need You Now album

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
mmm not sure i had a favorite. We rent alot...

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34 in July, and I don't think I did anything out of the ordinary.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
particular people coming to their senses.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
ha! i'm trying to be comfy and trendy, which is a difficult combo while towing two children and rarely leaving the house.

26. What kept you sane?
my DVR and AmazonKindle and the new HotSprings Spa we bought in July

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I think I already knew this, but i'm not in charge of everything.

Happy Holidays

Oy. I'm so lame at this blog thing. I yammer all the time, to myself, to my toddler that can't quite understand. I talk to my computer all day long about what's wrong with this, how this is never going to work and how i underestimated this thing here. You'd think I'd be able to get some of that down on paper...blog. Right now, my back hurts and this project will probably kill me before it's over. I've got some other heavier things on my mind too, but I'm not really sure the blogosphere is where I want to let those loose. Anyway, Happy Holidays. Maybe i'll try to suck less at this next year.

This week can suck it.

No really, this week can suck it. I'm over it, and totally tired of it.

Lice. I hate lice. HAAATTTTEEE. I think we've won the war but I'm still trying to be vigilant and keep an eye out for strays that could repopulate her head. Did I mention that I hate lice?

Bronchitis. So I don't hate it because it's not like it's around all the time, but on top of the lice, she got bronchitis along with some really swollen glands. Sheesh, kid can't catch a break.

Then we missed the bus on Thursday, so I was late to work, and then had to leave again to get some birthday treats to the kid's class since there's no school tomorrow. Holy moly batman, this day and this week has been one big bust.

Also got some news about a family member that makes me want to move far far away.

Please let next week be better.

Bugs. Eight.

Head lice are from the devil.

Lunges are also from the devil.

My oldest is turning EIGHT in a little over a week. Ya. Eight. It's unbelievable that they keep growing no matter what you do.

random randomness.

A treadmill. We're thinking about getting a treadmill, which I'm unreasonably excited about. I want to exercise, I really do, and Step Aerobics is great, and the class I go to is great and the people are great and I love it. But I don't love the organization it takes to get everything lined up the nights I have step class, to make sure the kids are fed, homeworked and ready for bed the moment I get home. Forget about Wed. nights when we throw kid church in the middle as well. What if I could just go down to the basement, and walk/run down there whenever I wanted? Holy moly the possibilities. We're discussing it, perhaps as a Christmas present to ourselves.

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Doctor visits. Is anyone else irrationally suckered by everything the doctor says? I am. They are the expert, the person with all those years of schooling and internships and practicing. They know. I don't. So when I'm in a situation where I completely disagree, I decline the service they're offering and nod my head until the appointment is over. Then I rant in the car, to the unsuspecting child/patient. I have no backbone.

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Something else bothers me too. But since I didn't write it down, knowing I wanted to write about it..I can't remember.

goodbye diapers...soon.

Kid#2 has been doing really really well with potty training. Her big sister suddenly decided to be trained about a week before her third birthday. Kid#2 turns 3 tomorrow. So she's not quite going to make that, but she's going to come close it seems. The last few days she's been really really aware of having to go potty and tells me and we go and there's dry diapers and no problems. We've been using the Huggies Pull Ups, in pink princess of course, and I think Huggies has a problem. They've placed disappearing artwork on the front of the pullup. So if the child wets, the artwork disappears. This does NOT encourage the child to stay dry. This encourages the child to pee to see how cool it is when they disappear. So, to avoid the problem, I've made a big deal of NOT making them disappear, and I promised we can make the disappear at bathtime, with water. So we're good I think, but whose stupid idea was that. A better idea would be to have some sort of angry artwork appear when they pee, something scary. For kid#2 that'd be a stuffed ladybug. I know. Whatever. Better luck next time Huggies.

Your children are keeping me up at night

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about the neighbor kids. Ya, not my own, who were sleeping peacefully. These kids are new to the neighborhood, and nice kids. The oldest is 7, a girl and a new friend to kid#1, the other is 5 and a boy. It turns out they have a rule, where the oldest can only go play with her friends if the young one can tag along. I don't have any 5 year old boys to entertain him, so it seems like an unfair rule to everyone. The older kid, my kids, me, and the 5 yr old boy. I don't understand why they don't get to have their own friends. They are a military family, so I'm certain that it comes from moving every few years and having to rebuild friendships over and over. My dilemma is trying to figure out how to allow the older kid to play with mine, while sending the little one back home to make his own friends with kids his own age. I think the result is going to be that neither of them are going to be able to play with the local kids. Allowing the one to play means essentially committing to babysitting the other. I feel bad for the kids and a little bit angry with the parents.

Top of the Muffin to ya

Low rise jeans = muffin top. I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out. I've been buying medium to low rise jeans under some delusion that if its beneath my annoying belly bulge it makes it less noticeable. I'm completely inept at sucking it in, so obviously my logic is flawed. So I recently gave up on my 5/6 jeans with the too low rise waist from Maurices and accepted that I'm really a size 8, with a mid rise. Beneath the belly button, but not so close to the panty line. I found a great pair at Younkers, from 9West. They fit great and I think once I wash/dry 'em they'll fit even better, not worse like every other pair I own. So. Step one in dressing a bit more trendy: check. I also managed to buy a cute tank and wrap/cardigan thing that looks great, with an awesome long necklace from Deb. I feel more trendy just owning it.

style and time

I need more time. More hours in the day, more days in the week (those would obviously belong to the weekend, no one needs additional work days). I want extra time so I can spend all the time with my family that I do now, still get my work done AND have time to go to the gym, plan meals, and shop for a wardrobe that would make Maggie Mason proud. Somehow it seems unlikely any of that is going to happen. So now, I just have to figure out how to get up earlier to fit a few more things in, and keep my eye out for stellar style deals. I want to wear more tights and skirts...first I have to convince myself I can pull that off.

potty training

I was dreading potty training. Because kid#2 is much more opinionated, difficult and busy than kid #1 was, particularly when it comes to pinning her down to sitting on the potty and trying to pee. She's actually doing really really well though, peeing whenever I ask, and if I make sure to ask every couple of hours, she can keep a diaper dry all day. It's pretty great. Sure, I'm not diaper free yet, but it's definitely cutting down on the number I need to buy right now. It's slow going, but she's still a month away from being three and I think anything is possible in that time. She's a smart kid, she will figure it out.

i wish

I wish there were more hours in the day.

I wish I wasn't lazy and didn't waste the hours I do have.

I wish I had an elliptical machine or treadmill...and room to put it somewhere.

I wish I could join the gym, and go, and still have enough time with my family.

I wish everyone in my life was more organized.

i suck.

I'm not exercising. Ignore that last post. Instead i've decided to try not to snack so much. If anyone would read this, maybe i'd feel some accountability for that promise. But no one does, so I won't. But i'll try I guess. Exercise class starts up in September again, so i'm looking forward to it. I just wish I had some side passion that I could devote myself to, but then again, if i did, i'd neglect other things like work and my family. I just keep telling myself that when the kids are older, then I'll do all those things, like join the gym and actually exercise and get fit, learn to run (like couch to 5k), write a book (about what? i have no idea), make appointments for the dentist and massages and whatnot - all the things i put off because its too difficult to work around kids and also work a regular work week. Working from home is catching up to me i think. I can do it, and I do it well, but it's starting to take a toll. Jeez I'm complainy.