Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Marriage Advice

So I started out thinking I'd write about divorce since it seems to be going around a lot..not the discussion, just lots of people seem to be heading down that road. I kinda think everyone that gets a divorce should have to tell someone/everyone why they're divorcing. Irreconcilable differences doesn't do it for me. I imagine my parents would say something like... Mom: I drove my car to crazytown and stayed there (with some details about letting her journal run her life and convincing herself of many things that don't warrant bolting from her life). Dad: I didn't take steps to prevent her drive (not that I believe she would have done what he asked to fix her mental issues).  Totally possible I'm biased in this situation.

They're both at fault, perhaps in different ways, but they both have responsibility. Also, what do I know..I wasn't in their marriage. I was just a bystander, and collateral damage when it went kaboom. And I also haven't been through a divorce and I don't anticipate I will, so I'll never have first hand knowledge of what it's like.

So many bloggers I've noticed recently are splitting up. And I'm aware that its completely none of my business...but blogging about it sort of seems like you don't mind if it becomes your readers business. So give us the facts.

Maybe because it's none of my business I should talk about marriage and/or weddings instead. I'm attending a bridal shower very soon for the daughter of the pastor that married us. She's a wonderful girl and I've known her since she was around 2yo. Part of the shower includes writing a recipe or a piece of advice for a soon to be married woman. They've not lived together and have only lived in dorms, so it's a true new beginning. I am also a horrible cook. What advice do i give?

Here are my thoughts. And I don't necessarily follow this advice myself, for many reasons, but I still think it's great advice.
1. Be honest. Always. Don't sugar coat anything and then let it grow to anger because you weren't honest.
2. Do not keep a journal unless you're a writer. A journal of grievances a horrible idea for a marriage.
3. Have your own time. You are still individuals and it's important to do the things you still love that don't involve each other.
4. Talk about everything. Everything, and yes, I know sometimes we glaze over and nod off..but do it anyway. Sometimes the only purpose of talking about everything is just so you get to say it, whatever it is.

What advice would you give?


  1. Wow! I was thinking the same thing! I hate the whole irreconcilable thing. If you are an open book? Then stay open. That being said, I have also not been divorced. I have many friends that have been and have always wondered why they didn't try harder. Not my life though. Advice?

    Learn to fight. Don't bring up the past, hear the other person and don't go to bed angry.

    Have one person in your house in charge of finances and respect that person to do the job. Make sure you still know what is going on though.

    Talk. Talk. Talk. About everything.

    Have an allowance. Makes those silly little purchases ok and keeps you from fighting about all the little things. Books, coffees, magazines, hobby stuff.

    Stay best friends. Make sure that they are the person you want to tell if something big is happening or if you are needing support. If you feel the need to call someone else? Admit it and figure out how to get back to being best friends.

    1. I love these. Learn to fight is a good one, something I don't think I quite know how to do even after 16 years :) Thank you - I might borrow some of these for the bride-to-be.

  2. Marriage takes a lot of work but knowing that the person you are with is always going to be there is the best part and no matter what always treat your partner with respect.